dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
