getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am available for nakedness
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
