fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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