this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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