then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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