I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
