I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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