I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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