I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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