I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
