i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.