my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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