What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
babies were throwing up all over the place
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college