clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?