If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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