i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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