Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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