Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
