If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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