Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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