Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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