I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
