A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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