dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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