return my video game
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
