im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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