some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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