I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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