I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
