My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
