i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
