i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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