Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
