i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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