honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
