I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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