it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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