So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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