I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
