Swine flu. Run for my life!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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