the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
