y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
