do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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