There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
