Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
