When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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