She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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