Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
