I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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