I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
