I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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