"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
