I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
