Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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