I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
