that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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