i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
