bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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