Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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