i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
