I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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