And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
