So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
