You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
