My first STD was from a foam party
I think I am morally bankrupt
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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