if only i could text you this smell
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
