I'm gonna have a badass scar
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
