hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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