So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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