I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
