why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
