I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
