Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
