i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i need some magic done to my vagina
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
