Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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