May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
