It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
