my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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