So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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