Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
