I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
