Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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