is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
