the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
