The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
that may or may not have been my penis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
