its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
