You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
