You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
