I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She told me I should be a condom model.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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